The Unsaid Rivalry of the Youkai and the Shrine Maiden
by Amoridere
Summary: Rated T for some of the language. We all know Yukari and we all are at least somewhat familiar with Reimu's mother and the fact that the two don't get along. Well, this story explores that further
1. Yukari's Sorrow

My heart still bleeds from not being allowed to hold Reimu in my arms, let alone being able to really see her again. If I had such a gift, I wouldn't have squandered it but she did and I still pick up the pieces left over. I love Reimu, I really do, and I would give just about anything to be able to hold her in my arms again, to be a mother. My body denies that and that whore, Reiko, doesn't even want Reimu to have any sort of memory of me or for her to know of my existence. _Bitch! I was her mother first!_ are my thoughts towards that woman. I was Reimu's mother first and anyone with a heart could see that we were quite happy with each other. I struck a match with this one and got burned, getting swallowed up in some fantasy! Well, I suppose, it was one of the few times I could say I was happy, **_truly_ **happy. I still have a little family but it's just not the same without Reimu here. It's like something is missing and it obviously is. I may not be human but I can still feel. Often, I dream about her and we would be together in my dreams, all of us. Ran, Chen, Reimu, and myself as one happy family family, like we were. Dreams are funny, aren't they? Alas, I would awake back into my sadness, so I would sleep more and more, having pleasant dreams. Dreams were dreams and would almost never be close to reality. In my dreams, I would hold her in my arms but, when I would awake, I realized that it wasn't real. My body denies me a gift and that whore took on away.

After awhile of sleeping, I decided to get up and go out for awhile, trying to renew my sense of life and existence, wearing Reimu's hair ribbon in my hair. It was no better. Everywhere I went I was overcome with a bittersweet feeling. Joy because it is so pleasing to see mothers caring for their offspring and it reminded me of Reimu but sorrow because I am further reminded of something I don't have and may never become. If I could have children, then I would have and I have had many, so many that Gensokyo would be overrun and I would be one proud mother. I would like to dream of that, really. In dreaming of that, I would dream of my little human child, Reimu. I wonder how she is? I hope she is alright and not too upset by my absence and is faring better than I am. I also hope that whore is feeding her and helping in her growth.

* * *

"Reimu say, 'Mommy', see? Mohm-mee."


	2. Not To a Flying Start

I cannot help but to wonder if having Yukari take care of Reimu stunted her, as she hasn't done much of anything since she was placed into my care. According to Yukari's servant, she was energetic and curious, as well as happy but she didn't seem to be displaying those traits. She was just quiet and fairly disinterested. Perhaps, I am just worrying too much, after all, babies do indeed take awhile to readjust and these surroundings are unfamiliar to her. Then again, a baby would be curious in unfamiliar surroundings, if not afraid. Also, she hasn't said her first words yet. I've tried getting her to but she just stares and then swats at me. After awhile, I concluded she was just confused. It took some time but she started to talk and become interested in her surroundings. When I held her in my arms, she was otherwise indifferent but we bonded somewhat. If only I had known rejection was going to come some time after this.

Sometimes, we would have visitors and she would greet them curiously but I always wanted to make sure Yukari was going to come through that door. I do not want her to come here and, should she actually do so, I will end her life right then and there. I asked her to do a duty, not run with my baby. I can only imagine what sort of effect that will have on her, then again, I didn't take care of her up until this point, so that may have an effect on her as well. If I didn't have to, then I would have kept her but I was the remaining one at the time and there was no one else. Nevertheless, I made foolish mistake asking a youkai, especially her, to be a wet nurse.

* * *

"Ran-shama, why is Yukari crying?"

"Sweetheart, I think it is best we go for a long walk and I think it is best to kick Eirin's ass."


	3. Despair's End

Eirin made me upset today, though I didn't mean to cause total chaos but the wounds in my heart from losing Reimu are still fresh and she's made them worse. It's already bad enough I've lost her to that slattern but what makes the pain worse is knowing is that she reminded me of something that something I can't have and the child I was forced to relinquish. I know she didn't mean to and I didn't mean to cause total chaos at Eintei. Surely, Reiko could have allowed me to see Reimu every now and again but I know she wouldn't. Curse that wretched slattern and curse my wretched body!

At this point, I had considered suicide just to end my pain. Put an end to this wretched grief that overtakes me. I'm pretty sure Ran and Chen will fare just fine without me and there is no real reason I can even go on. Just as I was going to do the deed, Ran and Chen came home but I was left a sobbing wreck. I just couldn't go through with it. I just couldn't but I didn't know any other way. My depression returned and, once again, I had gone back to sleeping more and more. The more I desired to hold Reimu, the further away it became.

It felt further and further away. The further away it was, the more my heart broke. Damn, damn, damn! There is really nothing to numb this pain and I just couldn't go through with suicide. I didn't know what to do. My heart was broken and I was full of wounds but I just can't find a way to numb the pain. The next day, after Chen had gone of to school, I felt Ran stroking my hair, saying, "Yukari, this cannot go on." My eyes snapped open and I turned to look at her. I was surpised she even knew and I was not at all willing to hear what she say at that point in time. Ran is one of the sorts to put things bluntly and she hasn't been above being blunt with me, in fact, she usually was, even when she didn't mean it. Naturally, I pretended not to know what she was talking about and asked, "Whatever do you mean?" She sighed and said, in a gentle voice, the one she uses when speaking to Chen, "Yukari, I'm not oblivious and surely there is a better way than this. I know you've contemplated suicide and I know your heart still bleeds and I feel it, too. I love and miss Reimu, just like you do, but I love you as well. Look at me, you are beautiful and very intelligent, manipulating youkai since the before you were out of babyhood, surely you could find a way to be with her, without no one really knowing and under the nose of her mother."

She stroked my hair and pulled a blanket over me, leaving me alone. For once, something seemed to pull me out of this despair and then I thought of a way to be with Reimu in little ways. Even if I couldn't be there fully, I would be there for her in little ways and some semblance will always be with her.

_ Always._

* * *

"Uh-uh!"


	4. Obligate Bond

Reimu is a stubborn one and it seems she doesn't want anything to do with me. Bonding with her will take some time but, otherwise, she seems content. The only time, it seems, she wants something do with me is when she needs something. Naturally, I used that to attempt to bond with her, making our bond more less an obligate bond, meaning she only bonded because she needed me. Naturally, I took it as being better than no bond at all but some part of me wanted to connect with her, having a more meaningful bond than an obligate one. I suppose I could blame Yukari for this as Reimu will reject me later on and will see her, that wet nurse, more as her mother. I'm her mother, not her.

Once, in the middle of the night she awoke and cried but, when I went to check on her, she was quiet, almost as if someone had been here to sooth her. Naturally, I thought nothing of it and figured she had learned to settle herself at night. It got to be frequent and I took her to the doctors office. I was given the same verdict but I wasn't convinced leading for me to bring her back for a second opinion. Still the same, so I figured there was no use worrying about it. Over time, she got to be even more content and slept a lot more at night. Still, our bond was an obligate one.

* * *

"Hello there!"


	5. In Little Ways

About four or so years have passed and Reimu is about five. Naturally, I have been leaving her little presents and comforting her when she was sad, something I had been doing for quite some time, under the nose of that bitch. I do indeed hope she is treating Reimu well because I will have her ass over it. Of course, Reimu isn't too happy with her and it's not that I could blame her so to some extent I feel a tad sorry for her but it isn't like she deserved it for leaving Reimu with me and then wanting her back, after leaving her with me for **_A YEAR AND HALF_** without seeing her. Honestly, she is anything a mother shouldn't be, I know that for a fact.

Even though I'm absent, I'm still with Reimu, in little ways, as I've aforementioned. In comforting her, one night, my glove slid off. I didn't take the loss of the glove too hard, as Reimu will use it to find me, when she is old enough. I will wait for her to seek me out, after all, it would be her choice, though I know she'll make her choice.

* * *

_"Maybe she will and maybe she'll keep you this time."_


	6. Rejection: Well, I guess Yukari won

Well, I guess Yukari won and I've been rejected. For Reimu's sake, I sincerely hope she comes back for Reimu, if it'll make her happy. As I pack up my things to leave and as I finish up her training, I wonder about if my absence will be noticed by her. Reimu desires no more than to find Yukari and she will do so, so it'll be like I was never there, thus I won't be missed. Yukari, you can have Reimu. I suppose Yukari is a better mother than I am, then. I sure hope the two would be happy and I do hope Reimu will find her again.

I'll always love Reimu, Yukari's baby, but she'll be much happier with Yukari.


End file.
